I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Your cock deserves a montage
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
