I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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