Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
