Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
