I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
