Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
