sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
