I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
