sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
