So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
