I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
