If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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