How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
