and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
