watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
