dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
