i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
