i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im holly from the hills drunk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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