sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
