moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
