the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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