You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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