I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All the doctor said was why
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
