I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
