Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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