Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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