then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i think my cat just said my name.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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