She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You've changed since you got that strap on
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
