get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
