Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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