I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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