I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize