Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
