I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
