I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
