Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
