My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
