I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
