I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
God gave him joint rollers for hands
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
