9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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