He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Found the puke drawer
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
