I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
