When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
