Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
where am i from again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
