oh god the rape fog is back!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
