He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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