After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We left an ass print on the piano.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
