i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
