JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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