Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize