why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
