Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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