oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
