I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
