so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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