sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
