And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
