I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
