you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
