I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
