vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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