I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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