closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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