Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
