Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Randomize
