I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
