I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
