You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
