I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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