so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize