I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
