Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
