What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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