Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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