Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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