i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
