At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
