well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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