at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
