idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
