Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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