Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
