The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
