I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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