I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
