I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize