i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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