I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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