i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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