Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
