I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
