WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I forgot wine drunk hurts
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
