I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
