Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
