i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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