I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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