Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
