You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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