By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
