I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize