My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
