Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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