I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
